On Thursday evening, after I arrived in Asheville, my friends Grief and Loneliness decided to visit me. They visit me every few months and like showing up out of the blue, without calling first to let me know they’re on their way. It’s very rude, but I’m used to it by now. In the past, I would to try to kick them out when they visited. I’d tell them I didn’t want them here and that it didn’t make sense for them to be here. That never worked. I’ve learned that the best way to deal with them is to invite them in, without questioning why they’re here, so that’s what I did. We talked to one of my sisters for a few hours and then we sat on the couch together and cried for a while. When I got tired of crying, we watched TV and read a book before going to bed.

I liked the schedule I followed in Savannah, so after a slow morning on Friday, I convinced Grief and Loneliness that we should go on a hike in the afternoon. We’re in Asheville, so we might as well enjoy the views. We drove about an hour out of Asheville towards the Blue Ridge Parkway, which has a lot of scenic overlooks and hikes along it. I barely saw any cars on the road. It was just me driving up the mountain. At some point, I lost cell service and I realized that I had forgotten to download the maps of my route and the trails I planned to do. If something happened to me or my car, nobody would know. I kept going anyway. I had driven this far already and I wasn’t going home without seeing some beautiful views.

When I got to the Blue Ridge Parkway, the road was closed. Parts of it close during the winter. I parked on the side of the road, as others had done, and started walking up the mountain. I had driven this far already and I wasn’t going home without seeing some beautiful views. As I walked, I ran into a few people coming back down who said there was an overlook and a hike ahead, so I kept going. I am very glad that I did. As I walked, it smelled so good! I’m not an expert at tree scents, but Google says I was probably smelling Fraser Fir and Red Spruce trees. I wish I could have bottled up the scent of the trees. It was so wonderful combined with the crisp winter weather. After walking about a mile, I got to a hike known as the Devil’s Courthouse. It’s just 1 mi long, but it’s steep, with 282 ft of elevation gain. I’m out of shape and it was brutal, but it was so worth it.

As I sat on the rocks looking at that view, I felt so happy and so much peace. All my problems seemed insignificant compared to the mountains and valleys before me. At some point, I realized that Grief and Loneliness were gone. I guess the hike was too steep for them and they went off to explore somewhere else. As I drove back down the mountain alone, in silence, with no music and the windows down, I felt so incredibly happy. I knew it was temporary and that my friends would show back up later that day, but I savored every moment. As expected, Grief and Loneliness did come back that evening. It felt strange to feel them while I was still on a high from the hike earlier in the day, but I didn’t question the strangeness and spent the evening relaxing with my two friends.

On Saturday morning I had another slow morning. They were still around but were less demanding than the day before. In the afternoon, I drove to the River Arts District to check out the local artists. It was hard being there because there were so many beautiful things that I wanted to buy. But I’ve just started this road trip and it wouldn’t be a good idea to start accumulating pretty and breakable objects yet, so I contained myself.

I spent another evening reading and watching shows with two my friends. At some point during the evening, Grief and Loneliness left, just as suddenly as they had arrived! Once they were gone, I was left feeling incredible joy. It was ridiculous how happy I felt. It made no sense. It was bliss. I can’t remember when the last time I felt this happy was. Is this what being truly rested feels like? Why didn’t anyone tell me that I could feel this way? I’ve been missing out all these years. If you don’t feel ridiculous joy, take this as your sign to blow up your life and go on a 6 month road trip. I know not everyone has the luxury of doing that, but I’m incredibly grateful that I do.

Today, I’m still feeling the joy from last night. It was a rainy day, so I walked to a coffee shop in the morning to buy a chai latte (unfortunately, it wasn’t very good) and I spent the morning reading, while sipping my tea. Once the rain stopped, I walked downtown and checked out the boutiques. I had the same issue as yesterday where I wanted to buy everything, but I held back. I’m spending the evening on multiple phone calls, catching up with friends.

Asheville has been an emotional rollercoaster, but it’s been wonderful. Tomorrow, I’m heading to Greensboro, NC. It’s not a long drive, so on the way, I’m going to drive another part of the Blue Ridge Parkway and stop for hikes. I’ll also visit cute towns in the area. I’m hoping for more amazing views.

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P.S. In case any of you are wondering if I’m depressed, the answer is no. The grief and loneliness I experience are a normal part of figuring out who I am and what I want. They’re a normal part of not having the life I’ve always wanted and thought I’d have by now. I used to think that feeling these things was wrong because I have a great life and have been very lucky. But in the past year, I’ve learned that having a great life can coexist with feeling grief. It doesn’t mean that my life sucks or that I think my problems are bigger than other people’s problems. It just is. I debated whether I should write about all this in this post. I ultimately decided to do so for a few reasons:

1. I’ve been working on learning how to be vulnerable in the past year and this is a good way to practice that.
2. I know that many people experience this and I want to normalize talking about it.
3. This blog is as much for me as it is for all of you. I know that in a few years, when I look back at the blog, I’m going to be glad that I put this all in writing. I’m really proud of how much I’ve grown in the past year and how I’ve learned to handle my feelings. I needed to immortalize that so I’ll never forget it.