Raleigh is one of the cities I was considering moving to. I was there for two weeks. Unfortunately, I made a few mistakes that didn’t allow me to enjoy it as much as I could have.

I don’t know anyone in Raleigh and I don’t have friends who know people there either, so I didn’t have anyone to reach out to before arriving. Since going on dates was a great way to get to know people and different neighborhoods in Nashville, I decided to try it in Raleigh. Usually, I pause my dating profile after a few days so I don’t end up overwhelmed with too many matches. Mistake #1 was leaving it active for too long. I ended up with a date every day of my first week in Raleigh. Two dates on a few days. I do not recommend doing that, especially if you’re an introvert. I did meet some nice guys and it did help me see a few different parts of Raleigh, but it was too much.

While I was in Raleigh, I wanted to start strength training again since I’m not moving around as often in the next few weeks. I tried signing up for a trial pass at a gym, but when I got there they told me it was only for Raleigh residents and I couldn’t redeem it. I asked about joining the gym for just a month since I could go in Raleigh for two weeks and then go to their Chattanooga location the next two weeks. It was ridiculously expensive for me to join. I looked at day pass options at a few different gyms and they were all $30+. I learned that gyms make it very expensive for you to work out while on vacation. Luckily, I found a community center with a small fitness room that only charges $15/month. It had everything I needed. Mistake #2 was getting back into strength training twice a week, but it’s only a mistake because of all my other mistakes. Working out is not a mistake on its own.

I’ve been letting myself sleep as much as I need to on this road trip, which has been great. My body really needed it. I’ve been waking up at around 8:30 am and I wanted to shift my sleep schedule a little so I could take advantage of the mornings. Mistake #3 was making myself wake up at 7 am every morning of the first week, even though I was having a hard time falling and staying asleep and therefore, not getting enough sleep.

Since I was in Raleigh to decide if I wanted to live there, I tried to spend my days as if I did live there. I signed up for an online bookkeeping course and started studying a few hours every day. That was mistake #4. Again, this is not a mistake on its own, but it is when I combine it with my other mistakes.

By Thursday of the first week, I learned that I have not fully recovered from burnout and that it is a very bad idea to have way too much social interaction with strangers, start working out, and start studying, all at the same time, while also not sleeping enough. My fatigue was back. I ended up cancelling a few dates on the weekend because I couldn’t function. The fatigue lasted through my entire second week in Raleigh, though it wasn’t as bad as it was on that first weekend.

Another thing I learned in Raleigh is that my friends Grief and Loneliness really care about me. They want to take care of me and therefore, visit me when I’m fatigued. I’m sure they have the best intentions, but I’m really better off without them. Don’t tell them I said that. At least now I know what makes them show up and can anticipate it. The interesting thing is that they didn’t show up immediately. Anger and Betrayal came first. I’m not sure who I felt betrayed by. I couldn’t figure that out. The universe? Fate? Who knows. But Anger was there because I’m so tired of being tired. I’m so tired of not being able to do all the things I wish I could do because they would make me fatigued. I’m so tired of doing the things I want to do and getting fatigued. I’m so tired of not having the luxury of being tired because I still have to function to meet my basic needs. I’m so tired of being tired alone.

That’s when Grief and Loneliness showed up. Being tired alone sucks even more than just being tired. There’s no one to help you, no one to hold you. You have to dig through the dregs of your energy and hope there’s enough to get you to the grocery store or to the kitchen to make a meal. All I want when I’m that tired is to be taken care of, but there’s no one to take care of me. So I did the things I had to do and spent the rest of the time on the ouch.

I turned 33 in the midst of the fatigue. I had planned to have a normal day, but elevate it in small ways. I’d go out for breakfast, get myself a cinnamon roll, and go on a hike. But when I woke up on September 28, I didn’t want to go out for breakfast, I wasn’t craving any food, and I didn’t have energy to hike. I forced myself to go out anyway. I hadn’t seen much of Raleigh and I only had two days left, so I walked around downtown a bit. Then, I bought myself a sourdough cinnamon roll and sourdough donuts and went home to binge a show. Honestly, the outing wasn’t worth it. The calls I got from friends and family did elevate my day though, so it wasn’t all bad.

While I wasn’t able to do much in Raleigh, I was able to go on a few walks and I checked out Cary, one of the suburbs. I learned that a lot of the young adult events are in the suburbs of Raleigh, which surprised me. I wish I had explored more of the Raleigh greenway because there are so many trails, but I didn’t have the energy for it. In any case, I’m not moving to Raleigh. I think it could be a fun city to live in and I loved how many trees it has, but not knowing anyone will make it really hard to move there. The mountains and beach are two hours away, which means it doesn’t really have an advantage over Nashville, other than having a few more trails in the city. I’m glad I checked it out though.

I drove to Chattanooga, Tennessee yesterday. I learned my lesson with Raleigh, so I’m taking it easy until my fatigue is fully gone and I won’t be planning as many social events as I did in Raleigh. I have friends of friends here and that’ll make it a lot easier to be here for two weeks.