I keep thinking about how this post’s title is missing a state… Anyway, I arrived in D.C. on Friday night to visit my friend Paola, who I met when I lived in Austin. On Saturday, we walked around the city. I was in D.C. last year, so I had already seen a lot of the free museums. We went to the Portrait Gallery and the Botanical Garden, since I hadn’t been to those.

After that, we walked to the Wharf, a neighborhood by the water with a boardwalk with a bunch of restaurants. We sat at a bar and two of Paola’s friends met us there. It was fun to get to know them! I was exhausted by the end of the day. We basically walked all afternoon. Thankfully, it was cloudy and not too hot, so it was bearable.

On Sunday, we went to Mass and then brunch. Another one of Paola’s friends met us for brunch. The plan was to go to the zoo after brunch, but we talked for so long that there wouldn’t have been enough time to go. We were also tired and it was a hot and sunny day, so we decided to go back to Paola’s place and chill.

On Monday morning, I left D.C. and drove to Raleigh. Being in D.C. with Paola was really good for me. She moved to D.C. 7 months ago without knowing anyone there and now has a great community and a new job. Seeing how things have fallen into place for her, makes me less nervous about moving somewhere new.

When we were talking about all this and about how she’s really happy in D.C., I mentioned that a few years ago, I asked a priest what I had to do to be happy. I grew up hearing that if I love God, am a good person, and do the “right” thing, I’d be happy. I had tried to do that my whole life, yet I was miserable. Since I had unsuccessfully followed the “happiness formula”, I was starting to think that maybe I was unhappy because there was something wrong with me or because being miserable was my cross to bear for the rest of my life. The only thing I remember about the priest’s answer is that it was completely unhelpful.

Paola asked me what I’d answer Priscilla from a few years ago, given all that I know now. I would tell her to pray less, ask God for inconsequential little things that she wants but doesn’t need, and let him give them to her, not because she’s earned them with her incessant prayers, but because he loves her. Once she’s learned that God actually does love her and she’s able to relinquish some control to him, I’d tell her to think about the life she wants, regardless of what she thinks is “right” for her to want, and take steps to get closer to that life, even if it means taking risks.

As I was lying in bed that night, I realized that my friends Grief and Loneliness haven’t visited me in a few months. Every once in a while, they wave at me through the window, but they never come in and stay. It’s been so good to reflect on where I was and see how far I’ve come. I wish I could go back and tell Priscilla from a few years ago that in a few years she’d go on a great adventure and we’d find our way back to happiness.